12.6.15

almost



my down to earth brain invented a metal spine today

in the basement of the Folkshochschule, in the treasure room
with all the left overs, the things that have been discarded
we discovered big bags with hundreds of jeans
jeans and jean fabric clothes

i am intrigued by clothes, by how we are perceived differently when we look differently
and i sifted through all of them
taking the ones that fitted me in some sort of way
that fit my body or my mind

i wore a white jeans suit when i performed being a map yesterday
white jeans, a white jeans jacket, a white shirt
and today i wore a dress i liked a lot
nice length, nice details, red stitching, buckles
pockets, i love pockets!
it was too big though

in a way

i remembered the word i had received as a gift yesterday
lagom
an untranslatable swedish word
meaning enough, sufficient, just right
in balance, perfect-simple, suitable
almost perfect
a popular folk etymology claims that it is a contraction of "laget om" ("around the team"), a phrase used in Viking times to specify how much mead one should drink from the horn as it was passed around in order for everyone to receive a fair share

the dress was perfect-simple, suitable for the day, almost in balance
so i brought it in balance
i invented a metal spine

a rigid thing, it seems, it sounds like
but i can move it, transform it
a flexible thought makes a flexible spine
an almost perfect dress
lagom

i had received the word when i handed in the keys for the four houses on the premises that are about to be torn down
we had inspected the buildings
we had taken all the things we could use for our project
i wanted to take down the blinds, but i wasn’t sure if i could take them
so i asked and i had to explain what blinds were
my hands mimicking opening and closing them
they drew lines in the air in front of an imaginary window
and after some miscommunication we understood each other
the woman laughed and told me she was happy she had learned a new english word
i asked for a swedish one in return
i received “lagom”

and when we returned to the houses to take down all the blinds
i bumped into a man who was taking out a kitchen
we conversed about reusing things, about sustainability, about the impossibility to get the world back into its proper shape although that can never be a reason to give in
we need to believe in the impossible
but we shouldn’t try to be perfect
it would only frustrate us

and he told me he was a fisher and a hunter, he told me he didn’t eat meat often, but when he did, he made sure the animal had had a good life
and i remembered the chicken i had eaten yesterday
and how balint had told me he ate meat but not chicken, because they have the worst life of all animals
and today i walked past the meat and went for the vegetarian option
but i couldn’t resist and returned for a piece of dead animal
a small piece only, but still

but still

we can’t be perfect
we can only do what we can
find the right balance between our own happiness and the world’s
we can be in the almost
look through open blinds 

Joakim had spread the blinds out on the grass
until we would find a place to hang them, to project Therese’s footage on them,
to see sea
waves invading the thin metal stripes

blinds on the grass, closed
out of place
resembling big sheets of paper
an aireal view of a strange city

i took off my shoes and walked the streets, the pathways
the blind maze that in no way could get my feet lost
but my thoughts got lost
and i thought of almost everything

almost

not too much, not too little

lagom



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