almost

my down to earth brain invented a metal spine today

in the basement of the Folkshochschule, in the treasure room

with all the left overs, the things that have been discarded

we discovered big bags with hundreds of jeans

jeans and jean fabric clothes

i am intrigued by clothes, by how we are perceived differently when we look differently

and i sifted through all of them

taking the ones that fitted me in some sort of way

that fit my body or my mind

i wore a white jeans suit when i performed being a map yesterday

white jeans, a white jeans jacket, a white shirt

and today i wore a dress i liked a lot

nice length, nice details, red stitching, buckles

pockets, i love pockets!

it was too big though

in a way

i remembered the word i had received as a gift yesterday

lagom

an untranslatable swedish word

meaning enough, sufficient, just right

in balance, perfect-simple, suitable

almost perfect

a popular folk etymology claims that it is a contraction of "laget om" ("around the team"), a phrase used in Viking times to specify how much mead one should drink from the horn as it was passed around in order for everyone to receive a fair share

the dress was perfect-simple, suitable for the day, almost in balance

so i brought it in balance

i invented a metal spine

a rigid thing, it seems, it sounds like

but i can move it, transform it

a flexible thought makes a flexible spine

an almost perfect dress

lagom

i had received the word when i handed in the keys for the four houses on the premises that are about to be torn down

we had inspected the buildings

we had taken all the things we could use for our project

i wanted to take down the blinds, but i wasn’t sure if i could take them

so i asked and i had to explain what blinds were

my hands mimicking opening and closing them

they drew lines in the air in front of an imaginary window

and after some miscommunication we understood each other

the woman laughed and told me she was happy she had learned a new english word

i asked for a swedish one in return

i received “lagom”

and when we returned to the houses to take down all the blinds

i bumped into a man who was taking out a kitchen

we conversed about reusing things, about sustainability, about the impossibility to get the world back into its proper shape although that can never be a reason to give in

we need to believe in the impossible

but we shouldn’t try to be perfect

it would only frustrate us

and he told me he was a fisher and a hunter, he told me he didn’t eat meat often, but when he did, he made sure the animal had had a good life

and i remembered the chicken i had eaten yesterday

and how balint had told me he ate meat but not chicken, because they have the worst life of all animals

and today i walked past the meat and went for the vegetarian option

but i couldn’t resist and returned for a piece of dead animal

a small piece only, but still

but still

we can’t be perfect

we can only do what we can

find the right balance between our own happiness and the world’s

we can be in the almost

look through open blinds 

Joakim had spread the blinds out on the grass

until we would find a place to hang them, to project Therese’s footage on them,

to see sea

waves invading the thin metal stripes

blinds on the grass, closed

out of place

resembling big sheets of paper

an aireal view of a strange city

i took off my shoes and walked the streets, the pathways

the blind maze that in no way could get my feet lost

but my thoughts got lost

and i thought of almost everything

almost

not too much, not too little

lagom