Today's thoughts


In a month in which nobody familiar died
Not much happened, which was a big deal
The rain didn’t fall but the leaves did
And when I tripped in the street one beautiful morning
Landing face flat on the pavement
I felt welcome almost

This world is not a hostile place
I thought while lying there
Surrounded by splashes of red
And since it was early there was nobody to help me up
Allowing me to stay there for a bit
Blending in with the dead leaves
Feeling more alive than ever

As seen and unseen from the balcony

I cheer the growing of the trees
Applauding silently in thinking
Branches stretching, multiplying leaves
The sun is out of reach, October pleading
To embrace the fall, the falling
Sitting on my balcony untouched
I watch the world go by in bursts of sound
Pretending not to listen

Teach me how to live he said
When he meant teach me how to die
I held my breath, was he sincere?
I held his breath and kissed his eyes
With silent lips
I have to go I thought, just look at me
I’ll show you how it’s done
Breath in, breath out
Breath in, breath out
Breath in, breath out
Breath in-between the lines of life
Where love is hiding in plain sight
And when you leave, don’t close the door


I don’t know the reason why there is always an urgent need to do some gardening after I painted my nails a sky blue, the urgency existing in my head only, the seeds can wait, the bulbs don’t have to go in the soil today, the clippings can be prepared later in the week, but oh this blue, this longing to grow, to go up, I can’t keep it to myself, can I?



When autumn starts my garden is predominantly green and I wait for the purple of the monkshood that grows and blooms in the same place every year. The first flowers opened a few days ago, and enjoying the beautiful colour and shape, I remembered something I read in David Abram's "The spell of the sensuous". Here it is alongside the flower, the quotes in the text are from Merleau-Ponty's "Phenomenology of Perception": 

"As I contemplate the blue of the sky ... I abandon myself in it and plunge into this mystery, it 'thinks itself within me,' I am the sky itself as it is drawn together and unified, and as it begins to exist for itself; my consciousness is saturated with this limitless blue ...". 

Read "flower" for "sky" and "purple" for blue.